How to find your identity after having children

Finding yourself after babies

I have always been someone who likes to stretch myself. Being a sociable person, I loved to go out for dinner, drinks, coffee … whatever was on offer really. Life was fun-filled and carefree.

Then came marriage and with it the joys of parenthood. When I gave birth to my son, I was overwhelmed with joy, excitement and anticipation. I had my gorgeous little baby boy now, things were changing fast and this was all okay … at first.

The mixture of sleep deprivation lined with loneliness often crept in.

The mixture of sleep deprivation lined with loneliness often crept in. I put this down to having a new baby in my life with no family or friends close by. I then went on to have my beautiful twin girls, again the old feelings came back but this time they intensified.

I was not exactly sure what I wanted to ‘be’ before having children but now I felt like my choices were limited. I wasn’t sure who I was other than wife and mother – I had lost my identity of who I really was. Of course, I love my children more than anything, however I couldn’t shake this feeling that I needed to do more and have something just for me.

I wasn’t sure who I was other than wife and mother – I had lost my identity of who I really was.

At first I thought I was the only mum to feel this way. I was often panged with feelings of guilty – I had three beautiful children and a loving husband – who was I to feel lost?

I soon discovered I was not the only mum to feel this way. Am I right?

Well, I have learnt that you don’t need to feel guilty and it is perfectly alright to want to be a mother and to still want to be you! Developing your new identity is a fun experience of discovery as you get to try so many new things.

On my journey to find my identity I became fitter, healthier and I now love what I do and who I am. I arrived at my happy place and have discovered that if you try new things and they don’t work out, that is actually okay. It means you are one step closer to realising who you really want to be.

The process became so much easier and consistent when I discovered one question which kept me accountable;

‘Will this choice get me to my goal?’

This question has helped me in so many areas of my life. In those moments when I thought ‘I can’t be bothered’ I would think of my goals and ask myself that magic question – will this choice get me to my goal?

If the answer was no, sometimes I needed to give myself space without guilt. The more I asked though, the more the experience of results gave me momentum to keep on track. I have a way to remind myself of what is really important to me.

Try asking this question in your own life and see what magic happens for you.

Bec McCallum Healthy Wealthy Mums

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


Bec McCallum
Healthy Wealthy Mums

Bec McCallum knows what it’s like to lose your sense of identity as a new mum. She shares her insights and strategies in her Healthy Wealthy Mums Program of Choice to help other mums rediscover who they want to be and how they can get there without the tears and tantrums. If you feel you have lost yourself somewhere between Pepper Pig and the washing, visit the website to create a better life for you and your family. www.healthywealthymums.com

2 Comments

  • Reply April 18, 2014

    Mandy

    Great article Bec! I’ve been there & know just what you mean about life after babies. It’s so worthwhile clawing your way back & claiming your identity.

  • Reply May 3, 2014

    Andrea Madden

    You’ve struck the chord perfectly! This is how so many women feel following the inital adjustments to motherhood. It is a balancing act but no woman should feel isolated in this situation, so much strength can be harnessed from open communication and sisterhood.

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