How do you solve your problems? Do you talk to people about your issue? Perhaps a few people … or perhaps everybody?
Do you keep telling everyone how it is, over and over again? Do you listen to those who sympathise with you? Do you brush off answers from those who just don’t understand your problem?
This strategy for problem solving is actually playing the ‘poor me’ strategy. And this strategy spells V.I.C.T.I.M.
Victims say: Why does this keep happening to me?
Victims say, “This happened to me. This is unfair, unwarranted and unjust! He / she did this to me! Why does this keep happening to me?”
The upside is, the ‘poor me’ victim gets sympathy and can avoid any part in the problem or take ownership of the situation. The down side is, they will never progress, learn and enjoy today as well as tomorrow for they live in yesterday.
Why look for alternative options …? It gives you choice.
We can overcome the ‘poor me’ strategy by learning to seek ‘choices’ and by finding alternative options and behaviours. Brainstorm with friends who don’t agree with you and those who do. Why look for alternative options (please note that I added ‘s’ at the end of the word ‘option’ which implies more than one) to your current situation? The answer is simple. It gives you choice.
- Having one option is being trapped;
- Having two options is a dilemma;
- Having three or more alternative options is a choice.
There is always more than just one other way to do something and there is definitely more than two; finding three, you may start to feel is difficult. However, at three, you are usually hearing choices which will involve you making a change to the way you are currently operating.
It is not the choice that is the problem – it is the effort to go with that choice, involving change and doing something different. A choice which may seem difficult can also be spelt R.E.S.P.O.N.S.I.B.I.L.I.T.Y.
When we choose the path from choice, we are choosing from the freedom of free will.
Taking responsibility for your choice and implementing it may seem difficult at first, but the outcome will feel euphoric. Why? Because when we choose the path from choice, we are choosing from the freedom of free will, not obligation and guilt.
When we take responsibility for what we decide to do and especially with whom, we will start to see different outcomes for our situations, feel differently towards problems and people.
We are no longer ’poor me’ or a victim of circumstance and others, we are instead the power force of our own destiny.
Alvia Turney is the CEO at Act 4 Tomorrow, a business that guides you through the turmoil and legal requirements of a seperation. With more than 20 years training, teaching and coaching, supported by a Masters Practitioner Qualification in Neurolinguistic Programming and Advanced Certificates in Training and Business and after five years of research and trialling, Alvia developed a strategy which is a simple step by step process that leads people through the complete separation process with a sense of empowerment, control and self-respect, including a component to assist you to negotiate/communicate with ex-partners during difficult and unreasonable times as well as understand, prepare, and be prepared, for the legal system.